Why?

I've been asking myself "why?" a lot recently. I'm not religious, and although I'd call myself vaguely spiritual I don't really know what I believe in. One thing I do believe in, however, is that everything happens for a reason, even if we can't see it at the time.

When I came to Siberia in September it felt like the right thing to do. The alternative was unemployment in the UK and I knew I would find that incredibly hard to deal with. It hasn't been easy here, and there are times when I've felt alone, forgotten, ignored, unappreciated and I've really struggled. Even though by Siberian standards the winter was mild, the cold was painful and meant that I could hardly spend any time outside - something that I've really missed. But even though it's been hard, I'm convinced it was the right thing to do. My contract ends in 4 weeks and I'm leaving it open as to whether I return or not (although if I do, it won't be until January at the earliest).

The problem is, that I'm already becoming impatient to know why I was here. How is this going to tie in to the rest of my life? I've done things here I didn't anticipate doing (teaching children for example) and my Russian has improved but there is more to it than that. I have had to cope here without the safety net of family and friends to pick me up if I'm down, and this has possibly been the most important thing I've learned - that I can cope without the safety net; in fact in some ways it has made things easier as I've had no choice but to keep going. I hope I can remember this when I get back to the UK.

I've also been wondering why I started a blog, as I haven't exactly been a regular blogger, and for those of you who were expecting regular updates - I apologise. I am going to write a few retrospective blogs on here over the next few weeks and will also continue after I'm home - so you can follow my integration back into the UK and the reverse culture shock I'm bound to experience!

As they say, watch this space...